When Worlds Collide
by mike50333
Summary: What happens when our great heroes attend a festival commemorating Avatar fanfiction? Sheer, stupid, randomness, that's what! Crack-Fic. Loosely based upon Destiny's Crossroads.  Chapter 2 FINALLY out!
1. The Invitation

**A/N: Hey all! Before I start, I thought I'd clear the air real quick. This story does not follow the storyline for DC, though this story **_**does **_**use **_**Destiny's Crossroads**_** as a platform (some of this won't make a bit of sense unless you read the story thus far). It's not part of the story, really, it's just something that I'm writing to alleviate my burning desire to get to the Ember Island Players chapter in DC (which I'm a **_**looooong**_** ways from. This chapter contains a couple of [possible] spoilers.) **

**If you want to blame anyone for me writing this craziness, blame Vanguard Ziggy. His story, **_**The Ember Island Player's Extended Scenes**_**, which is flippin' **_**hilarious**_** btw, is where I got the inspiration to do this. (Thanks Ziggy Man!)**

**I own nothing...except** **Zhàn.**

**I hope y'all enjoy.**

Chapter 1: The Invitation

It was a calm summer day at Ember Island. The palm trees swayed lightly in the soft breeze, the leaves dancing to the quiet tune of the wind. Throughout most of the island, activity was stagnant at most. With the vacation period passed for most people on the island, the beach had few occupants. Many of the summer homes were no longer in use, so there were no parties to attend or crash, no friends to hang out with on the beach, no true human life to speak of. There was _one _summer home, however, that was bustling with activity.

Firelord Ozai's vacation house, which had been left unoccupied for years, now was rejuvenated with new life. The Gaang was deserving of the thanks for the new life that the house now had as they were the new, albeit temporary, occupants. Right now, the epicenter of activity at the house could be found in the courtyard.

At current, Aang and Zuko were in the midst of their firebending training, drilling through a long set of advanced techniques. Toph and Sokka were exchanging taunts as they engaged in a boredom-curing skirmish, Sokka looking battered and bruised while Toph hadn't a single scratch on her, as per usual.

Suki and Ty Lee were in the midst of yet another rematch. This was their fifth brawl since the former-enemy joined rank with Team Avatar. Because they technically never finished their spar ack at the Boiling Rock nearly a month back, the two girls were still determined to figure out once and for all who was better than whom. Annoyingly enough, they were equally matched in each of their matches and the fighting, which grew more aggressive and desperate each go-around, would only end when they both fell out in exhaustion.

This bout of combat was no different; after nearly 30 minutes of trading jabs, kicks, punches, scratches, bites, head butts and unjustified insults, Suki finally called the match a draw. Ty Lee nodded wearily in agreement. With bruises speckled about them, the girls shuffled slowly towards the shallow steps that led to the house's interior, their knees giving out and causing them to fall inadvertently atop each other when they reached the short incline.

"Ty Lee...get off..." Suki groaned. The acrobat tried to comply, but her shaky arms were unable to support her weight.

"I can't...too tired," she replied, her voice muffled with her face planted into the other girl's stomach.

As if on cue, Katara entered the courtyard with two melon halves. She barely contained a snicker when she saw the … awkward position of the two rivals.

"Wow… I know you're trying to beat Suki and all, but don't you think this is taking things just a _bit _too far, Ty Lee?"

_Was that really supposed to be funny?_ Too tired to try and counter the bad joke by the waterbender, the brown-eyed girl gained just enough strength to roll to the side, unpinning the auburn haired warrior and laying flat on her back.

"Those two have wanted to get it on for weeks," Toph crudely joked, earning a squeal of disgust from Sokka as his face blanched a sickly pale white. With the male warrior properly distracted, Toph decided that playtime was over and, with a twist of her down-turned palm, entrapped the blue-clad armor wearing fighter in a pit of quicksand, hardening the ground that engulfed him again when only his neck and head were still visible.

Ignoring the questionable humor of Toph, Katara proceeded to announce that she had fresh melon juice for whoever wanted it. Suki and Ty Lee were the first ones to receive their melons. Aang was about to take off towards the melon merchant when a fireball flew past him from his left, landing right in front of his path and causing the airbender to halt his charge.

"What do you think you're doing? Training's not over!" Zuko reprimanded.

"Aw, come on, Zuko! We've been training for nearly two hours now!" The airbender whined.

The Fire Nation prince gave off a gruff sigh of defeat as Aang joined up with Katara for a refreshing melon.

Zuko released a perturbed grunt. "I can't believe that the last hope of the world can be so…immature!"

"Well duh, Prince Zuko, he's only, like, 12 years old. It's not like _you _weren't that way at his age," a voice chimed in. The prince gave off an irritated growl and went to sit at the fountain. Zhàn joined the group, entering the courtyard area from the rear of the house. He stopped just short of the steps when he saw the brown haired acrobat and auburn haired fighter lounging exhaustedly on the incline.

"What's going on here? You two finally made nice?" he asked with a light chuckle.

"Oh, they were _more _than making nice just a minute ago," Katara piped.

"Isn't that supposed to be _my_ line, Ice Princess?" the red-eyed soldier asked, rolling his eyes as his lips formed a friendly smirk.

Ty Lee nodded her head back and looked up to the red-clad boy, her brows perking to assist her vision. _He must _really _like red,_ she thought as she checked out his clothing. He wore a pair of black slacks with golden trim trailing down the sides, marking the hem of the pants. For his top, he wore a blood red undershirt with a crimson red vest atop it, the vest donning a golden Fire Nation insignia at left and a bronze dragon emblem at right, both a few inches below the collar on either side. He wore a pair of jet black shoes with red trim at the front and red soles. It looked like a somewhat expensive ensemble of clothing to Ty Lee, mainly because of the vest. _He must have somehow gotten his shopping habits from Sokka._ She then noticed that he was holding a scroll in his hand.

"What'cha got there, Zhán?"

"Oh, this," Zhán asked as he glanced down to his note-holding hand and descending down the small stairway, "I got this when I was strolling around town today."

"And why were you in town," Katara inquired. "Aren't the stores and markets usually closed this time of the week?"

"Actually, that's during the week. Ember Island is a vacation island so it's most active during the Summer Solstice. Since the solstice is over, the shop owners only open up their stores during the weekend to keep operating costs down."

"I guess that makes sense…but that doesn't explain why you were in town."

"I needed some new duds," the soldier pointed out as he waved his hands over his freshly purchased ensemble.

"It took you _five hours _to buy some new clothing?"

"No, it took me about 20 minutes to find the clothing and five minutes to buy the clothing. It took me almost four hours to try and barter the shop owner into dropping the price."

"Do you understand the risk that you put us in when you-" Katara chastised.

"I do, _mom._ That's why I went to one of the stores to buy a new outfit, so I won't stick out like a sore thumb," Zhán annoyingly explained.

"Honestly, Katara, are you going to do that _again_?" Sokka asked in a whiny voice. "Remember what happened the last time you complained about that? You almost got us killed by Combustion Man."

"And how was that _my _fault? _You _and _Toph _were the ones who started doing those scams!" Katara yelled in protest at her annoying stump of a brother.

"Yeah, but it was _your_ scam that got us in trouble! Remember, the one you pulled because you didn't want to seem so _motherly?_" the human stump replied in retort.

Sokka had won this argument, and Katara knew it. Sadly, the ever stubborn sibling refused to back down, stuttering idiotically as she tried to find _some sort_ of ammo to use against her brother. "Well...you...you're the one who called him 'Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Man!'"

Suki and Ty Lee, who were now sitting upright, looked at each other in confounded amusement upon hearing this revelation, and then looked at Sokka's head.

"Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Man? Really?" Suki asked with a muffled snicker.

"I guess making jokes isn't the only thing he's bad at!" Ty Lee choked before doubling over with laughter.

"Okay, could someone clue me in? Who the heck is Sparky-Sparky-Combustion-Boom Man?"

"He's some guy with an eye in his forehead that he used to blow stuff up with. Zuko hired him to kill us."

"You what?" Ty Lee and Zhán both shot at Zuko, staring at him incredulously.

"Heh, that's what we said, too." Toph smirked at the suddenly cornered prince.

"That was a long time ago!" Zuko countered, shooting a deathly glare towards Sokka for rebirthing that horrid segment of his history.

"How long was _that – _since you came back to the Fire Nation?" Ty Lee questioned with a screech. Zuko simply stared at her, his brows dipped in annoyance as he silently begged for the acrobat to change the subject. Zhàn and Ty Lee stared back in realization and mild shock.

"Wow…so, you were really adamant about that whole "reclaiming your honor" thing, huh?" Ty Lee asked, the question not really being meant for Zuko to answer. It wouldn't have really mattered though as the Fire Nation prince made no efforts to answer her question.

A brief, but awkward silence fell upon the group, only ascending back to the heavens when Zhàn said, "…Yeah… So as I was saying, I was strolling around town when I saw a poster about some event."

"What's it about?" Aang asked when Katara returned to hand him a beverage.

"It's a festival commemorating our little airhead, here." Zhán held the scroll before him as he reviewed the contents of the announcement.

"Which airhead are we talking about here?" Toph asked, Ty Lee annoyingly responding with cross arms and a hard-set glare towards the ever glare-immune girl.

"The airbending airhead."

"Coo- wait, there's a _festival _in _my _honor in the _Fire Nation?_" The flabbergasted airbender rushed up to Zhàn and snatched the scroll from him. Sure enough, it the title read _Avatar: The Last Airbender Festival. _"I can't believe this! Did I fall asleep for another hundred years?"

"No, it's the real thing," Zhàn said as he snatched the flyer back from the monk.

"What's at this event?"

"Hmm... It looks like they have literature contests, a food eating competition..." Sokka perked up upon hearing about the latter item, "a singing competition, and something called..." Zhàn perked a brow in confusion, "…shipping wars?"

"What the heck is a shipping war?" Sokka asked, pulled from his reverie of food.

"Beats me," Zhàn shrugged. "Anywho, I think it could be worth looking into."

"I don't know," Katara protested, "it sounds a bit like that _Boy in the Iceberg_ play we saw the other week." Everyone shivered, recoiling at the horrors of the overly dramatic acting, horrible humor and the crappy, propagated ending. And then there was…_She-Aang. _Zhán had come up with the nickname for the young and bald actress. After the brief wave of nightmarish chimera passed, Katara continued to provide the group her thoughts. "Personally, I still don't think it's smart for us to attend events about ourselves. It's a sure-fire way for one or more of us to get discovered."

"Besides," Zuko added in, yielding to his own thirst and retrieving a melon-filled beverage from the waterbender, "it'd be a complete waste of time. Sozin's Comet is only a week away – we can't afford to waste more time going to stupid plays and festivals."

"Plus, we don't want another incident like what happened at the play backstage," Suki finished, giving a sly leer towards Zhán.

"For the last time woman, that Azula actor person was seriously hitting on me! She freaked me out!"

"You burned off her eyebrows!"

"Hey, I was doing her and _everyone_ in that theater a favor in doing that! Those eyebrows were longer than a boa-crane's neck and thicker than Appa's fur! Heck, I think they _were_ fur; I'm surprised those things didn't shed." Ty Lee giggled at the hideously hilarious image.

"I agree with Firefly," Toph chimed in as she regarded Zhán, looking on towards nobody in particular as her sightless eyes shifted towards the assembling group. "There's nothing _else_ to do around here. Why not try the festival? It couldn't possibly be any worse than the play." Zhán smiled at the blind girl's show of support…despite his hatred for his nickname.

"I don't know," Aang attested. "The last time I went to an Avatar Festival, I almost got boiled in oil..."

"I'm game for whatever gets me out of the ground!" Sokka shouted as he tossed an irate glare towards the sightless glare-proof fortress that was Toph.

"I'm with whatever Sokka wants," Suki decided nonchalantly.

"Suck up," Zhán and Ty Lee said in unison, wearing identical teasing smirks.

"Well, Ty Lee," Aang chimed, "I guess it's your call."

"I'm with Toph on this one," she decided without a second thought. "Things _are _getting stale around here. We should check it out."

"Well then, it's decided. We'll check out the festival tomorrow," the crimson eyed lad declared.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, it's a one day, all-day event. Now we need to designate a time for us to attend."

"How about midday, that way we can get training out of the way and get freshened up before we go?" Aang suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Zhàn decided as he rolled up the scroll. "I'm gonna whip us up some grub. Any special orders?"

"How about pineapple stir-fry?" Ty Lee suggested.

"Make that two," the airbender piped.

"Okay, two pineapple stir-fries. Anything else?"

"Roasted goose-duck, for me," Sokka requested.

"Do you want one goose-duck, or two?" Zhán asked, half-jokingly.

"Two," the warrior nonchalantly replied. _Figures._

"Anyone else?"

"Goose-duck sounds pretty good," Katara reasoned.

"Okay, Zuko? Toph?"

"Same."

"Same."

"Alright, so three goose-ducks and two pineapple stir-fries."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Ty Lee shot to her feet, and almost stumbled back to the ground as her muscles screamed at her for the sudden movement. "How come Sokka gets two goose-ducks and everyone else only gets one?"

"First of all, little missy, you don't eat meat, remember?" Ty Lee's cheeks flushed red in embarrassment as she sat back down. "Secondly, we're not talking about Rock Cornish Hens, here. Goose-ducks are pretty big. I doubt even Sokka could eat two on his own in one setting."

"I wouldn't bet on that," Katara teased.

"Anywho, dinner will be ready in a couple hours. Oh, and Toph?"

"Huh?" The earthbender was called away from dangling a cherry in front of Sokka, the warrior vainly trying to retrieve the berry with his teeth.

"Make sure Sokka's ready for dinner tonight. I don't want him pilfering the markets again, nibbling on fruit all evening. Otherwise, I'm feeding his food to the piranhas."

"Oh, he'll be ready," Toph called back. She then turned towards Sokka, who now whimpered as an evil smirk pursed her lips. "He'll be ready alright." The earthbender then released Sokka from the swallowing earth. As he lay on the ground trying to catch his breath, Toph crouched down beside his head.

"_I'd run if I were you, Snoozles,_" she advised as she held a hovering rock in her hand.


	2. Soliciting Mai

**A/N: I don't know how I can possibly try and rationalize my taking this long to update this story. If it's any consolation, I managed to come up with this just this morning. Actual festival footage will begin next chapter. And I can tell you this much about said footage. The shipping wars... Will. Be. Epic.**

**Until then, I hope you all will enjoy this little fit of insanity. Read, Revel (Or Regurgitate) and Review!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the Character Zhan, who will no longer be with us for evil plot changing/maintaining purposes.**

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Chapter 2: Soliciting Mai

"Whaddaya mean you're too sick to go?" Ty Lee cried, her hands rattling the doorknob of Zhán's locked door. The Fire Nation soldier sat on his bed, a bucket in one hand, his pounding head in another.

"I think I undercooked the goose-duck yesterday. I've been blowing chunks all morning."

"But that doesn't make sense! Sokka ate a goose-duck, and Katara, Mai, Toph, Zuko, and Suki ate from one, and they're all fine!" Ty Lee protested.

"Yeah, but I ate from Sokka's goose-duck, and he clearly has a health to match his appetite," Zhán groaned. "Look, I'm sorry Ty, but if I go, I'll just spoil everyone's fun…"

Ty Lee sighed in yield. "Well…do you need anything? Maybe some tea?"

"I'm gonna need you to run. I feel another wave coming on," Zhan answered from the other side of the door. Ty bolted from the door as the heaving began again. Sulking down the hall, she knew she needed someone to replace Zhan. There was but only one who could fulfill this task...

* * *

"No."

"Oh, come on! You _gotta_ go!" Ty Lee whined, standing at the foot of Mai's bed.

"No I don't," she said in continued protest, staring a hole into the ceiling of her dorm as she threw another stiletto into it.

"But Zuko's going!"

"So? I'm not like you, Ty. I don't follow my boyfriend everywhere he goes like a lost puppy."

"Everyone else is going! It'll be boring being here all alone."

"Firstly, you're sounding desperate, which never works in negotiation. Second, your bed lover's still here. Heard he got sick."

"He's _not _my _bed lover!" _Ty Lee shouted, her cheeks flushing red.

Mai simply smirked. One of the few things she had in common with Azula was the simple joy of toying with people. And no one was easier to toy around with then Ty.

"Tell you what," she said finally after a moment of thought. "You, me, spar. Fifteen minutes. House plaza. You win, I go with you to the 'Stupestival.' I win, you never bug me again. Deal?"

Taking Mai's extended hand to accept the agreement, Ty Lee smirked proudly. "This is gonna be fun."

* * *

"Okay, we leave in thirty minutes," Katara announced from within the divan hall of the summer home. "Everyone do a final check to make sure you have everything! Spending money, sun umbrellas, a second change of clothes, and earplugs so Ty Lee won't talk you to death!"

The waterbender stopped by Zhán's room. She expressed her sympathies for his inability to go with them, and gave him a tray with various soups and teas. She then promised to come by later in the day before the festival was over to restock on the edibles and replace the bucket if need be, strictly advising him not to leave his bed and to allow this to run its course. Zhán nodded in thanks as she left.

Katara reentered the hall when she saw her brother bounding toward her from the entryway of the corridor. "Did you misplace your seal jerky _again_, Sokka?" she groaned.

"No, it's even worse! Get to the plaza!"

"What's going on?" Katara knew better than to freak out _every time_ Sokka or Aang said something was bad.

"Mai and Ty Lee are about to beat the crap out of each other – that's what's going on! Where's Toph? I've gotta place my bets!"

Katara sighed, pinching her nosebridge as she saw Sokka dart for the stairs. _"I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by idio-" She_ replayed Sokka's statement again. "Wai- WHAT?"

* * *

"Okay, kids," Toph stated, standing between Mai and Ty Lee on the left-hand of the courtyard, with Aang, Zuko and Suki standing at the steps, playing spectator. "Normally I don't make up rules for spars like this, but we gotta get this over with before Sweetness finds out. So whoever pins the first person in five minutes wins. If neither of you bozos wins, then you're _both _banned from the festival and have to be my personal punching bags when we get back."

"What? No way!" the duelists cried in unison.

"Did I mention that refusal to adhere to myrules will also have the same consequence?" Toph declared with an evil smirk.

"Well, they're stuck now," Aang said. Zuko and Suki nodded in agreement.

"Way to help your girlfriend, Zuko," Mai seethed.

Ty Lee threw an identical glare at Aang, who simply shrugged.

"Sorry," Zuko protested, "but if I've learned anything about Toph, it's not to mess with her about stuff like this."

"Okay chickies, no fighting restrictions except don't kill each other." Toph stepped back, allowing Mai and Ty Lee to glare each other as they took fighting stance. The earthbender raised a hand. "Three…two…-"

"HOLD IT!"

Aang jumped out of her skin as the explosion went off right beside him, and Zuko even backed speedily away as Katara passed by.

Toph groaned loudly as she slapped her thigh, glaring ahead, irritated by the interruption.

"Sokka, I'm gonna KILL YOU!" she shouted.

"Not if I kill _you _first, Toph!" Katara declared. "You _know_ we're on our way to the festival! What are you thinking having these two fight _right before we leave?"_

"Don't blame _me_ Sugar Queen, it was _Mai's _idea," she said, jabbing her finger at the assassin, who simply stared boringly at the brown and blue supernova.

"Mai, what's going on?"

"Simple. Ty Lee wanted me to go that festival thing, and I didn't want to go. She wouldn't shut up, so I decided we'd fight for it. She wins, I go. I win, I don't. Oh, and thanks for killing the most exciting thing that would happen to me all day."

Katara groaned, feeling exasperated at having to babysit _everyone in the group! _"Okay, compromise. Mai, you're going. Get dressed."

"And how is that a compromise?"

"It's a compromise because I feel like freezing your arms and legs together right now!" she yelled. "Remember how that felt when we first met?"

"Yeah, kinda like how I feel now. Numbing." She met Katara's indignant glare with her own bored version. When the waterbender showed no signs of conceding, she yielded. "Fine. But when we get back, I get to beat the crap out of Ty Lee. Deal?"

Katara smirked tiredly. "Now _that's _a compromise."

"Yay! Mai's going!" Ty cheered as she followed her friend inside the house. "Ooh! I've got the PERFECT outfit for you!"

"Is it pink?" Mai droned.

"Uh-huh!"

"Pass."

"Aw, but it has black accents!"

Mai stopped and stared at the girl, appearing to be authentically thoughtful. "Do you have a _red _outfit with black accents?"

"Well, I do, but…you know, pink's practically just a light red, so-"

"It's either red-and-black or I go in my birthday suit. And you don't wanna see me like _that_, do you?"

"I DO!" Sokka shouted with moronic blither. The duo stopped dead in their tracks at the base of the stairs upon hearing this. Mai held her monotone expression, but Ty Lee was seething with anger as blood filled her cheeks.

"There's a _black_ outfit with _red _accents in my closet, fourth one from the right. I was gonna save it for your birthday tomorrow," she offered, her voice quivering, eyes locked on Sokka as the slimmest trickle of blood slithered from his nostrils.

Mai smirked ever slightly. "How generous." She glanced at the banister, seeing the color in Ty Lee's hand drain as she gripped it like a lifeline. Sokka seemed to finally take notice too from the midpoint of the stairway, slowly backing away from his soon-to-be murderer.

Katara, Aang, Suki, Toph and Zuko joined Mai and Ty, puzzled with the odd gathering. Mai explained the situation and Katara noticed Ty Lee's slow bending of the knees, prepping for the neck-breaking ascent up the stairs. She and Suki then turned their eyes to Sokka, giving him a glare that should've turned the boy to stone.

"Ty, _please _kill my brother."

"And make it slow," Zuko added.

Without so much as a nod, Ty Lee zipped up the stairs, fingers outstretched and arms at her sides, her body bent low to assist her speed. Suki wordlessly trailed her rival, also in pursuit of the infidel. Sokka responded by scrambling and stumbling up the stairs, all the while screaming like a pansy.

Mai could no longer contain herself. "I have _got _to see this," she said, her voice cracking with glee, surprising everyone as much as Ty Lee's blinding fury. She led the parade up the stairs as howls of pain could be heard throughout the house.

* * *

**F/N: Okay, I'd like to address a few things. Firstly, I know Sokka and Mai were both OOC, there, though the fact of the latter was directly addressed. Remember this is a crack-fic, so I feel that I have just a hint of leeway in allowing OOC events to occur, albeit sparingly. Also, I decided to gut Zhan from the story because of the fact that this is a festival commemorating the _ORIGINAL _characters of A:TLA. Therefore, I feel that Zhan would look rather out of place, not to mention feel that way.**

**Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this bout of insanity from the deepest, darkest corners of my feeble brain. Remember to send a review, regardless of your feelings.**


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